A couple of weeks ago at church, our preacher talked about the need for community in the church, speaking from Ephesians 4:1-6 and a few other passages. One of the points that he made and that has stuck with me for the last couple of weeks is the idea that many of our problems today stem from deeper failures than we’re willing to address in regards to our personal relationships – and one example in particular has been rolling around in my head.
What is counseling? A lot of people think that it’s getting advice, but professional counselors are specifically taught not to give advice – or at least not much of it. Counseling is primarily listening, responding to what you’re hearing, and showing concern and empathy for the problem. That’s the core of it. Seems simple enough, right? So why do we have tens of thousands of people across the country who can charge $100 per hour for this relatively simple act?
One of the things that makes a counselor unique is that the client feels able, even obligated, to be completely open and truthful with that person. Think about this: how many people do you feel you can be completely open and honest with in your life? Most people would probably say no one, or maybe one person. Maybe a spouse, or a best friend, or a sibling. Why do we have such trouble being honest and open with each other? Why do we need to hire a professional to find someone to talk to?
Shifting gears for a moment.
According to one major study, 69.7% of divorces are a result of communication problems. Whether you believe the figure or not, few would challenge the claim that it’s one of the most common causes. Objectively speaking, that should be surprising. Here are two people who’ve sworn vows to be as one til death do them part, and they can’t find ways to establish basic communication? How absurd does that sound?
And yet we all seem to have problems doing it ourselves, don’t we?
How many times have you put on a mask for someone, because you didn’t want to appear as if you didn’t fit in?
How many times have you said “I don’t know,” when what you really mean is “I’m afraid I’ll say something wrong and you’ll blow up at me?”
How many times have you felt like your world was coming apart, and answered “I’m fine” anyway?
Why do we have so much trouble being honest and open with each other?
I think about this a lot. I’m the kind of friend that puts huge amounts of energy into relationships but finding friends who are up for that kind of friendship is very difficult and I find it to be really frustrating.
I really enjoy using facebook, twitter, and google +, but it makes me sad that some people use those tools as an excuse to keep friends at arms length sometimes. Humans were meant to be in relationships with each other.